Having this extra free time has led to truly reflect on my life, my past, my goals, everything. Itās been emotional but also very needed.
Letting Go of the Past
Now that I have a new way of thinking, Iāve been able to start the healing process from much of my past traumas. Iāve always been a person to push my problems aside and just bury them. I pretend they donāt exist. And it worked for a long time because of the constant distractions in my life. I would often forget any pain that Iāve been through, which I thought wasnāt so bad. It gave me a false sense of strength. But I realized I was only fooling myself because I never took the time to sit and process anything. Once my distractions were taken away from me, all the pain washed over me like a tsunami. I just launched my site but took a short break immediately after because the emotions were so intense.
But Iām so happy that I let them wash over me. Iām proud of my growth and ability to stop taking things so personally. No matter who hurt you or who they are to you, just view them as a person. Theyāre a person whoās also hurting and making decisions that have nothing to do with you. Their decisions may hurt you but itās almost never their intentions. And if it is their intention, theyāre usually dealing with something much bigger and you just happen to be the person theyāre taking their pain out on. Iāve hurt plenty of people on accident by me doing things without thinking how it would affect them. I was just thinking about myself and my own wants. But Iāve also hurt people on purpose and falsely felt justified in doing so. Iām not proud of that version of myself.
I accept people for who they are, and although I still hold onto faith that theyāre a good person with good intentions, I wonāt allow myself to be hurt by them any longer. You have to push your ego aside and accept people for who they are. It was never about you.
Understanding Myself
I kept building a wall inside of myself higher and higher, not realizing it caused me to build a wall with others. Because I wouldnāt break my own walls down, I was struggling with building meaningful connections with others.
Now Iām working on raising my frequency higher. Iām getting to know myself better which will allow me to build deeper connections with others. Iāve grown so much as a person and although Iām not happy about all the decisions Iāve made in my life, Iām so happy to be growing into the person Iām becoming. Iām learning to witness my emotions rather than absorb/ignore them. Itās just a part of being human. Iām embracing the lows and highs. Iām on the road to becoming my higher self.
I forgive everyone whoās hurt me, whether that be directly or indirectly. Whether it was on purpose or not. And I forgive myself for hurting others. Instead of wishing things could be different, I accept things for how they are. I finally let go and got the closure I needed long ago. Better late than never.
I feel there is a collective awakening right now. I feel you and hear you. The only way is up.
Reflecting on Future Goals
This quarantine has made me realize how surface-level and superficial my goals were. Not all of them, but I want to do something more meaningful with my life. I donāt know what exactly, but I know it has to deal with helping others. Something more humanitarian.
I wonāt be blogging about my future goals, at least not yet. Thereās still a lot I need to figure out. But I know I want to explore and travel. I want to give back without expecting anything in return. I want to be more of a light in this world. We need it.
I donāt care about almost anything I cared about a few years ago. Considering how superficial my wants were, Iām very proud of myself for having new goals and becoming more selfless.
I donāt know where Iāll end up but Iām looking forward to the journey. Another big goal in my life is to be more present. Stop reflecting too much on the past and stop thinking too much about the future. A lot of anxiety and stress stems from just not being in the present moment.
I hope everyone is staying strong during these times. You are not alone, and weāll get through this.
“Yeah, guess itās time to grab a coat. Evolution, time to grow. Ego trying to block the door. Might not have nowhere to go.ā
