I want to first start this post off by saying this was indirectly inspired by @sveva.starkov and @britneysimone__
Pole is one of, if not THE, most challenging disciplines I’ve ever committed to. It can be easy to get let down and feel like you should be “better”. I think it’s safe to say most pole dancers want to achieve a certain level of grace and fluidity but it takes time. And everyone’s timeline is different!
Mental Gymnastics
Pole challenges our bodies, but I would argue that it challenges our minds even more. Learning to honor where you are in pole (and in life) is truly mental gymnastics. We see the most beautiful and graceful dancers twirling around on Instagram and we get inspired by them (or even intimidated). We have to train our minds to go from, “ah man, I wish I looked like this person, they’re so good at pole. I can’t be that fluid” to “wow, what an inspiration” and leave it there! We must learn to stop our minds from making any comparisons or else we can’t grow.
Honoring Where You Are in Your Pole Journey
I’m gonna say something cliche and cheesy, but it must be said! Life is about the journey, not the destination. If you start pole dancing because you want to be at a certain level, then pole dancing may not be for you. Pole is mostly fails! Especially when you’re first starting out. So if you’re someone who can’t handle defeat or feeling uncomfortable, then I don’t know what to tell you, because pole will humble anyone real fast.
No matter how far along you are on your pole journey, the journey never ends. There’s always a new move to try or another level of grace to attain. Even pole dancers who’ve been doing this for 10+ years have moments of feeling they could be “better” and compare themselves to others. Instead of looking side-to-side, we have to look in the mirror. You are your only competition. You may not like the level you’re at, but I guarantee there is someone who is looking up to you for inspiration.
To honor where we are at in our journeys, we have to come from a place of self-love and self-discovery. We have to enjoy the present moment during our training sessions. We will fail and fail and fail until we get it right. And who’s to say what’s “right” anyway?
Validation from Social Media
This part is more vulnerable, but whatever, I feel it must be said and I’m sure I’m not alone in this. I’ve had to check my own ego sometimes when I get caught up in the Instagram fantasy. When I follow a dancer that inspires me, sometimes I’ll want that same validation back. If they aren’t interested in my style, I’ll think to myself, “ah man, I’m not that good.” But I had to realize that’s 100% my ego getting in the way. Why do I seek validation from a stranger? I should be following them solely for their work. Nothing more!
I have to remind myself that we aren’t all meant to cross paths. Plenty of times I’ve come across a pole dancer’s IG and found them really cool, but don’t want to follow them because their style isn’t something that inspires me. For example, I don’t ~typically~ follow anyone who does pole sport. I find pole sport cool but because it’s not something I work on or feel intrigued to work on at this time in my life, I don’t feel the need to follow them. Does that mean they aren’t good? No, of course not. And those that follow them are the people who are meant to be following them. And I had to learn to honor myself completely and no longer be affected if someone I like notices me or not. Because regardless, I’m so proud of the level I’m at and I’m always working to improve for myself and myself only.
Creating Your Own Lane
When your honor where you are in your pole journey, you solely focus on yourself, your goals, and your growth. You will only look to others for inspiration instead of comparison. And when you make that mental shift, you start blossoming into who you’re supposed to be and begin creating your own lane.
You won’t be making content that you *think* others will like. You’ll make whatever you want and the right people will find you. You will stand out on your own because you’re doing something different and your supporters will feel how genuine you truly are.
I know it’s not easy to avoid making comparisons, especially when dancers who’ve started their pole journey long after you have seemed to nail grace and fluidity. But it’s not a competition. This is a community and we have to keep checking ourselves whenever our minds shift into a negative perspective. When one of us is winning, it’s a win for the entire community! Honor where you are and respect where someone else is at. We are all where we are meant to be.
Happy dancing!
1 comment