Having this extra free time has led to truly reflect on my life, my past, my goals, everything. It’s been emotional but also very needed.
Letting Go of the Past
Now that I have a new way of thinking, I’ve been able to start the healing process from much of my past traumas. I’ve always been a person to push my problems aside and just bury them. I pretend they don’t exist. And it worked for a long time because of the constant distractions in my life. I would often forget any pain that I’ve been through, which I thought wasn’t so bad. It gave me a false sense of strength. But I realized I was only fooling myself because I never took the time to sit and process anything. Once my distractions were taken away from me, all the pain washed over me like a tsunami. I just launched my site but took a short break immediately after because the emotions were so intense.
But I’m so happy that I let them wash over me. I’m proud of my growth and ability to stop taking things so personally. No matter who hurt you or who they are to you, just view them as a person. They’re a person who’s also hurting and making decisions that have nothing to do with you. Their decisions may hurt you but it’s almost never their intentions. And if it is their intention, they’re usually dealing with something much bigger and you just happen to be the person they’re taking their pain out on. I’ve hurt plenty of people on accident by me doing things without thinking how it would affect them. I was just thinking about myself and my own wants. But I’ve also hurt people on purpose and falsely felt justified in doing so. I’m not proud of that version of myself.
I accept people for who they are, and although I still hold onto faith that they’re a good person with good intentions, I won’t allow myself to be hurt by them any longer. You have to push your ego aside and accept people for who they are. It was never about you.
Understanding Myself
I kept building a wall inside of myself higher and higher, not realizing it caused me to build a wall with others. Because I wouldn’t break my own walls down, I was struggling with building meaningful connections with others.
Now I’m working on raising my frequency higher. I’m getting to know myself better which will allow me to build deeper connections with others. I’ve grown so much as a person and although I’m not happy about all the decisions I’ve made in my life, I’m so happy to be growing into the person I’m becoming. I’m learning to witness my emotions rather than absorb/ignore them. It’s just a part of being human. I’m embracing the lows and highs. I’m on the road to becoming my higher self.
I forgive everyone who’s hurt me, whether that be directly or indirectly. Whether it was on purpose or not. And I forgive myself for hurting others. Instead of wishing things could be different, I accept things for how they are. I finally let go and got the closure I needed long ago. Better late than never.
I feel there is a collective awakening right now. I feel you and hear you. The only way is up.
Reflecting on Future Goals
This quarantine has made me realize how surface-level and superficial my goals were. Not all of them, but I want to do something more meaningful with my life. I don’t know what exactly, but I know it has to deal with helping others. Something more humanitarian.
I won’t be blogging about my future goals, at least not yet. There’s still a lot I need to figure out. But I know I want to explore and travel. I want to give back without expecting anything in return. I want to be more of a light in this world. We need it.
I don’t care about almost anything I cared about a few years ago. Considering how superficial my wants were, I’m very proud of myself for having new goals and becoming more selfless.
I don’t know where I’ll end up but I’m looking forward to the journey. Another big goal in my life is to be more present. Stop reflecting too much on the past and stop thinking too much about the future. A lot of anxiety and stress stems from just not being in the present moment.
I hope everyone is staying strong during these times. You are not alone, and we’ll get through this.
“Yeah, guess it’s time to grab a coat. Evolution, time to grow. Ego trying to block the door. Might not have nowhere to go.”
